Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
