You really coming over, don't trick.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
