i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
