We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
