I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
