Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
