SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my poor anus
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
