Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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