dude i'm inner monologue high
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
