his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
