I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
