Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
