The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
