My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
