Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
