I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
and you fell through a lawn chair
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize