Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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