70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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