So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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