I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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