No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is it penis luge time yet?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
