The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Alive.
So much puke
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
