we have officially mastered the walk of shame
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
