Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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