Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
