fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
