First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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