no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
