All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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