I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
