why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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