I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
