Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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