Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
