I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
