fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
