im drinking this country out of the recession.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
