You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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