Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
