I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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