You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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