How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
