If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
