i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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