I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
