I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
