I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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