You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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