Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
