Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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