Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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