i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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