Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
