I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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