His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
