Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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