while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
