just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize