It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
