oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
