yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
