He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
