I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
