I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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