clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
