brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize