I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
