Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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