I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
