I think im going to throw up on grandma
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
