Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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