It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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