Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
