I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
