You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
