be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
