Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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