for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
