I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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