So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
