With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
