**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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