I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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