I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
