He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
