Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
