Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
