I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
