My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
