How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
