i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
