When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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