I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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