i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
