I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
