Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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