Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
