If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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