paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
