I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
