I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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