It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
